For any relationship to last, it is essential that you are compatible. This does not
mean that you have to share all of each other’s hobbies and interests and live in each
other’s pockets. In fact, it could be considered unhealthy if you do.
The happiest people in the most successful relationships give each other space and time to follow their interests away from the relationship. You are after all two separate people with
two separate personalities and interests. The important thing is that you are able to
come back together and enjoy each others company and pursue other interests that
you may share together.
Being compatible with someone is being able to work well together. It is about
having similar outlooks on life, sharing a similar sense of humor, wanting similar
Consider the following questions within your relationship. Indicate where you feel
your relationship rates on a scale of 1 to 10 for each question (1 being the least and 10
being the most). Try to think about each question in terms of your feelings over the
last month or so rather than just how you are feeling today:
Sex – How sexually fulfilled do you feel? Are you happy with the frequency of sex in your
Fun – Sense of humor. Shared interests. How much do you laugh together?
Shared values – Do you have a similar philosophy of life and moral code?
Common goals – Are you heading in the same direction? Do you want the same things or is
there room for compromise?
Social life – Friends and family. How happy are you with the level and quality of interaction
you have with them?
Conflict resolution – How well do you both manage disagreements? Do you respect each
other’s boundaries? Are you able to ask for what you need?
Communication – Do you know what’s going on in each other’s life and are you both
Chores – How happy are you both with the way chores are shared?
Emotional support – How supportive is your partner especially in times of stress and illness?
Career support – How supportive is your partner of your career or other aspirations?
What you need to do next!
Add up your scores. This will be out of a total of 100. Please note that a score of 100
is completely unrealistic. If you have scored 70 or more, it can be suggested that you
and your partner are compatible, but may still want to look at the areas where you
scored less than 7.
The aim of this exercise is not to give you an overall score of whether you should
leave your relationship or not, but to give you some indication of your compatibility
to one another and particular areas that you may want to investigate a bit more. It
may also give you some comfort that in some areas where you have scored more
highly, then that aspect of your relationship is working well.
Take some encouragement from that. For example, maybe you have scored low on the sex
question. This is obviously an area that you can discuss with your partner and look at
ways of coming to some compromise. However, at the same time, you might have
scored your relationship a ‘9’ for the fun you have together and how often you laugh.
You know that this is a strength in your relationship and are still compatible in that
It is worth letting your partner score your relationship on the same set of questions
also. This will see if you are singing on the same hymn sheet and finding the same
problems in your relationship. It may be that there is an area that you find
problematic in your relationship and your partner had no idea and they viewed things
are being fine in that area. It is no wonder that this would develop itself as a problem.
But now your partner knows how you feel about it, you can work on this and move